sit it on down

we taking all the risks big fella. tbh, i talk about taking risks a lot and i know i think it’s very very very important to step out on faith and bet on you….but it’s also just as important to sit & be still. that’s what i’m working towards now. my focus keeps shifting from building myself into a superhero to picking up the jagged and probably missing pieces of a dollar tree puzzle.

at all times…my mind is moving. i have the power to choose which way it goes; positive or negative, but mostly i feel out of control with it. i’m actively beating down the negative thoughts with positive and actually true thoughts. even while celebrating my birthday, when the walk got too long or the food wasn’t as great or whatever happened…i started blaming myself and hoping that my people aren’t mad at me for bringing them here. so how did i overcome this thought? i told myself, matter-of-factly, if they didn’t want to come they wouldn’t have and waiting for things is a part of life and reflects on my planning skills in no way, shape or form. another one popped up because i couldn’t help falling asleep early every night for some reason…that i now know is a really strong menstrual cycle, lol. i thought they’d be pissed at me for being a party pooper and ruining the night, but nope! they went out or stayed in or whatever they wanted to do to make sure they had a great time. they even attempted to wake me and mega kudos for that because i know i was knocked and probably gave them the death stare if i woke up at all, lol. so i looked at the positive, they tried to wake me, they took care of me, and weren’t mad at me at all. plus, i woke up super rested and got all the tea from the night out. listening to it was fun because my friends are hilarious, but it was also like i was taking jabs because i wish i was there! then i just remind myself of what i needed and that no one is upset with me. plus we have other memories i can think of when i start comparing too much. currently, this tactic/coping mechanism is saving me! it’s too easy to go down that slippery slope of negativity, but with this method of correcting my negative thoughts, i can think a bit clearer.

this is just one method of sitting still…i’ll be getting deeper into meditation and simply staying in the house and not feeling bad about it. i can say no. i’m not obligated to say yes or to never change my mind. life happens to everyone and we’re all trying to figure it out…one moment at a time.