18 kudos

i’m going to try something that’s always been particularly difficult for me; bragging on myself.

everyone, or least almost everyone, knows i CANNOT take a compliment. at. all. it’s lowkey sad, lol. i always knew it, but i didn’t know it was this bad until i was at GHOE (greatest homecoming on earth @ the illustrious NCA&T). i was at a kickback with some peeps i hadn’t seen in at least 2 years and we're drinking, laughing and living our best lives! someone randomly decided to give me kudos about my site & my ig “brand”, naturally, i offer my typical response, “chilllllllllllllll, you’re so sweet! *insert compliment about them to take away the focus.*),” but this time she went right tf over it lol. she brought the focus all the way back to me & i was not only stunned, i was a bit embarrassed…like how you just gon hype me up more than i hype you up?! itried everything, i turned around, tried to walk away, then i just started sipping out of my cookout cup, lol. i’m not used to that kind of attention to detail & kudos, especially in front of others! y’all. i teared up, lol. this could’ve definitely been my alcohol intake, but since i still remember it like it just happened, i can gladly say i think i was normal as possible, lol. plus, it happened again when i was with my two best friends in michigan! i was legit trying to tell them a story & they just kept interrupting to hype me up. this is also when i found out my summer glow was gone because one of them told me i was turning red, *rolls eyes*. so now i’m going to attempt to hype myself & brag a bit because TBH, 2018 owes me nothing. i’ve grown so much & experienced soooooo much!

i guess the thing that i’m most proud of is creating a way for some type of art to flow through me and be shared with the world! i was chosen as the newsletter chair for one of the major employee resource groups in my company, which is sooooooooooooo dope! i get to converse with leaders of different levels all the time and not just because i’m asking for something, but because they love (that’s right, LOVE) the work i produced. the feedback from taking this over has been overwhelmingly positive and just about every person is appalled that i’m an engineer and not in marketing or something. *flips hair* by taking on this monthly project i found that i really have a knack for it, which i already knew, but i wasn’t aware that i’d enjoy it this much. it kind of started the thoughts of creating a blog. what stopped me from creating one was a lack of purpose and direction/end goal…but then one day, a light bulb smacked me & i realized that i just needed to start. i made my site within a 2 day span, lol, if that. once i got an idea, i just followed it and kept following until i just hit the fuckit button & revealed it to the world. now i have a weekly release that doesn’t have an over-defined or constrained scope. i use two rules, 1. it has to be true (obvi) & reveal a different layer of me 2. consistency(i tried to take a break from writing & just felt something was missing so i started writing, lol)

*screams to the heavens* i’m a published model! ya girl made it to an online magazine & no one can talk me out of that being a big deal! plus i had the time of my life at that shoot. even fooled a ton of people into thinking that i was actually married, lol. i’ve booked more modeling jobs than i actually thought was possible for a 5 foot 5ish girl. i put myself out there to connect with so many people with one constant thing in my head, “the worst they can say is no.” or not responding, lol, but i got over that. i also secured ambassador roles with two detroit based companies and i’m already working on two more that are out of state! a major one happened from a simple dm, lol. oh, my cards! my cards have helped define my end goal a bit more as well. even though i’m still not positive of the ultimate/perfect career, i know i want to include these parts of me in the grand future career.

coachella, greece, st. louis, atl, nyc, toronto and probably a few more locations that i’m forgetting at the moment easily have been a major highlight of the year! the views, experiences, food, cultures & trouble i was able to get into in each place has a supreme spot in my heart! i definitely want to continue to travel, but this year was a peak into different parts of the world and i just loved it!

ok, so on the extra personal tip…i’ve chosen MYSELF over everyone. i got back into therapy & have increasingly protected myself from energies that weren’t the right fit for mine. i became single, i also came out, i lost my aunt cent, i gained new friends and deepened friendships, i’ve started speaking up for myself and i’m excited to continue! currently, life is teaching me to let go & trust what God has planned for me, which is much easier said than done, but imma do it anyways because the stressful alternative ain’t even worth it!

there could be a few more things that i’m leaving out, but shit, oh well! lmao, this will suffice this go round.