friendship lite

i can’t do part time friendships or friendship lite*. it might not be that i can’t do it, but i have no interest. at. all. my relationships with people are quite deep & as you can tell i run my mouth quite a bit and i do not have time to babysit feelings, not even my own. i need my friends to understand and know me fully. granted i realize that that’s an ongoing task that’ll likely never be perfected but i need the effort because that’s what i bring to the table. yes, i know everybody can’t do this or may not even want to & that’s perfectly alright, lol. for those that don’t wanna do it, by all means don’t, but also don’t expect me to try to get close to you. i make this pretty clear with all of my relationships. platonic or romantic, i have to keep it honest because i don’t want anything negative to be attached to me. just because it’s probably inevitable does'n’t mean i can’t still try.

i believe a lot of people overstep or misread relationships, including platonic & romantic. it all goes back to the big picture of how that person was raised and methods of communication...which is why i talk so much, lol. we all get lost in this alternate reality in our heads that could be right next to the truth, but because we haven’t done the necessary research, it’s still just something our heads conjured up. thinking, planning, plotting, and then being disappointed when someone doesn’t do what you thought they were going to do. i spent way too many years allowing others to tell their version of my story and making up impossible ones, but that ain’t happening anymore. no thanks. that’s why i tend to over-communicate...even if it’s just in my head. my goal is to be on the same page, not the same thought or sentence. i want to understand and be understood, dasit. ask all the questions. feel all the vibes. ask more questions or even the same questions. humans are ever-changing and growing so we gotta keep up…and allow people to change, but that’s a different conversation.

i’m not even going to lie, asking the necessary questions can be really difficult and trusting that someone is being open and honest can be just as difficult, if not more. but in my life, i’ve definitely won so much more by going out on a limb and having the hard conversations. i’m going to learn something regardless, it could be that this person needs to be cutoff or that i need to be a better person, knowledge all the same. PLUS, once you get the answers your head can stop spinning with the “what ifs” and if that ain’t motivation enough then idk what is!

* smooches *