idk yet, but i will soon

i’m not a know it all, but man i wish i could be! not even to be a smart ass or to degrade people, i just want to know more about people and my own future. that want creates a lot of frustration.

the 5 w’s + h spin around in my head like category 5 tornadoes. ok, occasionally category 2, i’m usually not constantly spinning. this week was different. i was coming out of a depressed episode and moving into a space where i just questioned everything.

why was i depressed?

how does it just end?

what can i do to improve my work? including engineering, photography, modeling and my site

how can i make my money work for me?

when am i going to be satisfied with my life? that one is still a deeply pressing issue. idk what my calling is, but i feel that i’m close to it because i’ve been much happier when telling strangers who i am and what i do. that’s exciting af!

what can i learn to put me ahead of the rest?

who can i ask about transitioning from mainstream or typical engineering to fashion or art engineering? (if you have someone in mind, LMK)

will i have to create the transition?…that’s the one, that’s the question that’s at the eye of the tornado, but also the one touching the ground causing all the damage. i love creating…but this seems like a huge thing to come up with, especially because i doubt i’m the only one like me out there..but i could be.

what’s in the cards for a love life? if anything at all?

if you’re anything like me, it’s easy to slip into the tornado, but i want to try to manage it instead of getting lost. i’m going to keep trying to meditate, control my breathing with my thinking & my favorite, releasing the tension from my body. something about that last one gets me all the way together every single time. so this holiday week, i’ve decided to take extra time to truly study these particular questions. i’m praying some super wild epiphany happens! keep me in your prayers & know i’m doing the same for you.