after creating this site and publishing my diary, the most feedback i received was always about my bravery, fearlessness and vulnerability…mostly just wondering why. every single answer i’ve given has contained different reasons and highlights in it, but i think i’ve finally nailed it down. i do this because…i have to. now, i realize that’s still vague lol, so i’ll list a few reasons why i have to so you completely understand.
i grew up a very serious introvert, but not because i was nervous or whatever the typical reasons are for introversion. i just didn’t want to disappoint anyone by being too loud, feeling too deeply, or let anyone know that i had feelings at all. through my diary, i’m actively sharing and keeping myself open to emotions…which is still very much a struggle, but my emotional intelligence has drastically increased due to spending time with them rather than running from them.
i’m on a life journey to find my purpose, which i take very seriously…but that also makes me very very sad, discouraged, depressed & anxious because i just want to know already! writing and expressing this helps me to relate to others while allowing me to shed a layer of fear that i’ll never figure it out.
i make myself vulnerable in order to know that whatever i’m going through will be ok, but also to encourage everyone else! i highly dislike the “perfect life” facade that is everywhere so i decided to share deep and dark parts of me that i wear every day to hopefully help the next imperfect person.
i’m multifaceted. there are certain parts of myself that are not allowed in certain arenas…& it’s exhausting to keep up. i wanted to create my own world where i can be my FULL self totally and completely.
these 4 reasons are my why. i feel like they are pieces of me and prayerfully, they are pieces of my purpose…otherwise, i’ll be regrouping and restarting lol. but that’s fine, i’m committed to figuring it out and pleasing God in the process. i’m not positive where i will go in this life…but i know creating my own lane has helped me in ways that i can’t truly describe.
hopefully this has helped you in some way, if not, contact me & we’ll talk some more, lol. i love doing this work and i pray it continues to grow me. THANK YOU to all of my weekly readers, my once in a while readers, visitors just for my portfolio or however you ended up here. i don’t think it was by accident, :). happy anniversary/birthday to my site!
*smooches*