man oh man oh man! i’m tired, lol. tired of planning my meals so far ahead, tired of scrolling on social media, tired of zoom, tired of just not being able to just move freely. it’s exhausting.
i just keep going through this cycle of “yay i’m home” to “fuck, are they ever gon let niggahs out” to “nah, this is the life!” to “😩😩😩, everybody stop being selfish and stay inside so this can be over & we can have a crazy lit summer!!” but no really, please stay the fuck inside. only go out for groceries & tbh, you can get it delivered, just tip well. my mind is tired of feeling caged. i literally grew up never really leaving my room because it was my own space, i guess, but now i think i just like to choose my own experiences. if i want to explore, then of course, i will…but only being able to explore my closet is pretty tired. lol, my choices are kinda gone. i feel like i’m on punishment with only one main, vital rule:
STAY IN DA HOUSE.
i’ve gone through so many cycles in my living room. most the time i’m straight. making tik toks, creating some content and watching movies has been great. but then i get tired of doing allat & then the quality goes down & then the frustration steps in & then irritation & then some sadness because every five seconds someone is like “use this time wisely, pick up a new skill, workout every day, exert all this extra energy! cook every gahdamn day!” i’m exhausted lol. and it’s just like why is all this happening right now??? 2020 is really something else. it has me thinking in new ways, accepting more truths, doing more to explore my true self, pushing myself to just do better in the most random ways & i’m truly grateful for that! BUT ALSO, WHEE WOO WHEE WOO! i’m tired man, so i think the lesson here is to learn new ways to keep my peace of mind…that’s probably my best positive spin of all this madness that i can give yall right now, lmao. i mean, it got me back into writing & taking pictures, so there’s that! check out my photog portfolio to see what’s new!
but also! stop putting pressure on yourself and others to do anything from creating something, learning something, or even finding the meaning of life…it’s all good to do what you need to do to stay ok in this hard season.
*smooches*