you ever got extra affirmations from people you never thought knew you existed? or had friends validate & boost your business? ever validated your damn self?!?
IT FEELS SO DAMN GOOD.
to just be. being calm in the storm has never been my strength, but not necessarily my weakness either because it comes to helping others i’m so cool & calm. when i’m handling nadia shit, i tend to get slightly arrogant by thinking i’m the only one that feels the way i do, like it’s the first time this has ever happened. lmao, i can be so damn vain. but either way, i needed to delve all the way into myself to help myself. and what better time to do it than right tf now, during quarantine? i didnt like being forced into it at all, but it just reminded me that i’m not in control of anything but my own headspace. so, essentially, i’m trying to tell y’all that i’ve been going through a whole lotta stuff from money troubles, love troubles, mental slipping, skincare abysmal, diy’s going crazy tho! i literally have 5 projects started in my apartment that are keeping my mind busy at every minute. oh! also, music constantly playing, whether i’m on the phone, the tv is on or i’m napping, there’s something distracting me…or maybe helping me cope? i’m trying to be as open as possible to things having numerous meanings that grow & change, while growing me & changing me. i DO feel like i passed a major test of faith & self confidence? idk, i just took a hard, analytical look at all the things that i’ve accomplished & the things i still want to accomplish & the new things i’ve taught myself while being amongst my most self deprecating thoughts. i always hated that such beautiful things come from such dark places, but i also love juxtaposition lmao so i super conflict. 😂😂
anyway, i’m assuming you'd like a rundown of how i got this shit together, huh? well here it go:
i acknowledged all the stuff i was feeling by writing them in my journal & meditating on them
i decided to let it go. from that decision, i started to think & move differently. now, don’t get me wrong this is hard aF, but so worth it. once i decided, i pulled out all my coping mechanisms & tried a bunch til something actually helped. so this go round it was superman level affirmations, checking in with my mood before i committed to anything & taking everything in on a much less serious note.
forgiveness by remembering that everyone is trying their best & no one is perfect. so if i or someone happens to be a casualty of growth then it’s not intentional, it’s just this funky thing called life. also forgiving myself for being so disappointed in the way i treated & spoke about myself.
committing to taking every step lightly, but with full force honesty. speaking up for myself has been a struggle, but when i do it i feel an unmatchable power inside.
basically, i’m taking full care of myself & it’s super hard & draining, but i’m not stopping. i’m learning & changing & growing like crazy so i’m just gonna enjoy the ride.
*smooches*